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The D/V Blog

Blog // Published Jun 02 2014

The Emotional Journey Of The Closet

For so many of the women’s closets, I stumble upon, and even my own there are more emotions than my best therapy session could cover. There is hurt, there is pain, there is deceit, there are happy memories, there are birthdays, there are anniversaries; there are special events and galas. Closets aren’t just filled with clothes; closets are filled with memories; we attach ourselves to our memories because as women we remember what we wore on the night he proposed, the first date and the day he told you he wanted a divorce. We remember it all; the good and the bad and the clothes become the vessels for those memories. 

What we put on in the morning can shape our entire day, week, month or even year. When we aren’t feeling our best self, it’s impossible to put our best foot forward. For so many years while, I personally may have seemed well put together the emotional battle with my closet continuously ensued.

Let me start from the beginning, like many woman I know…I had a weight issue. I remember looking down at the scale and it nearly toppling at 200lbs. I had played competitive and college soccer throughout my entire life and have never inched over 150 pounds and yet, here I was in what suddenly felt like I blew up to 200 pounds overnight. Of course, nothing happens overnight not even gaining weight. I felt guilt, shame, embarrassment and most of all I hated the way I looked in clothes. I held on to that picture of that scale in my mind for far too long and let it dictate my decisions. (this was 2008). 

New Year's Eve 2008

While, I did a great job at hiding my excess weight the only person I was truly kidding was myself. My weight wasn’t anything other a sign of true unhappiness. An unhappiness that sat so deep it took quite a few monumental earth shaking events to crumble the predetermined notations about my body image. Growing up, I believed I was truly “fat” even when I wasn’t. Constantly being teased for being a “big girl” to this day I can remember a boy in my class whose name I’ll withhold that I had the biggest crush on. We were standing in line to head out to recess in third grade, and he turned to me and said, “You could be Miss America." I thought my world had lit up like the November sky. That was until he turned back around and said, “Yeah, Miss Fat America”. I was crushed, devastated. As an 8 year old girl, the approval of a childhood crush tore me down in ways that I cannot behind to comprehended.  From that point forward, I became obsessed with my body image by fourth grade I had an eating disorder and had attempted suicide because my own father told me I should exercise because I could “use it”. To my dad’s defense, he’s the sweetest dad and meant well but I am his oldest daughter and to this day, he fails to fall short when it comes to delivering not so great news. 

So, as much as I was shocked by newfound weight in 2008 of a startling 200 pounds on my small 5’3” frame, I wasn’t surprised.  My entire life consisted of controlling my food, binge eating and the yo-yo dieting and emotional eating that went along with that. I was carrying around 200 pounds of unhappiness and a sad attempt at trying to control every facet of my life until it spun out of control. At some point, I looked at my best friend at the time (also overweight) and asked her what in the world we were doing. We were both beautiful girls holding onto emotional baggage that was reflective in the mirror and the scale. We made a pact, hired a trainer and vowed to leave the weight far behind us.

That worked, well…Until it didn’t. I successfully lost a total of 65 pounds. I entered into a toxic relationship and gained 30 pounds post breakup. Again, I questioned why I and how I had gained this weight. I didn’t understand it. I managed to lose 20 pounds before my wedding and then gained another 10-post wedding. I never understood why my diet was so up and down, and I couldn’t just maintain a healthy weight. Until something clicked inside, and I realized, I was letting that little voice from third grade transcend through all the men I dated and let the relationships rule my emotional eating thus, causing me to pack on the pounds. I was allowing men I didn’t even like to control what I was putting in my body. Not only was I allowing them to have control over what I put in my body, I was letting them have control over my mind, I refused to buy clothes because I always told myself I’d be skinnier tomorrow. I refused to be in acceptance of where I was in that very moment. 

Years later something inside of me shifted, and I no longer let others control what is put in my body or my mind. This hasn’t been an easy journey, and it’s been one of the hardest lessons I’ve ever had to learn. It’s something I see my client’s facing every day because, letting go of clothes in your closet is letting go of emotional baggage, that’s been building for years and years. While, it may not be directly related to your body image, it could be an ex-boyfriend; it could be a shopping addiction, it could be anything however, what I’ve learned is a closet is meant to empower you as a woman not hold you back and in order to do that you must first start by letting go.

July 2013, Designer Vault Trunk Show

Many people ask me, “What makes you different from any other consignment store?” Well, I’ll tell you exactly why because I have been in your shoes, staring at my closet, clothes staring back at me feeling as if I had nothing to wear, my life spinning out of control. Rather than a store that is looking to sell your most valuable pieces, I am there to let you keep the most valuable piece of your closet, you. I can't make or force you to let go (nor will I try), this is something that has to come from you but, I will sit on your bathroom floor, listen and let you hash it out with me and offer honest advice. So, while I do offer a consignment service, it's so much more than just a place to sell your clothes, it's an ear that will listen, a voice that will reason and a place you can trust. If I can't give you all the tools, I will help you find the right industry leaders, so your closet is a place of empowerment rather than a place of dissent. No matter what has you in over your heels, we're here to help.

While, some say Rome wasn’t built in a day neither was tackling a closet. Some of my industry favorites include the following to help tackle your closet & life once and for all!

Dr. Gaila MacKenzie Strawn – Neurofeedback, North County San Diego
Katie Brooks, LCSW Board Certified Therapist
Mike Zerbato, Personal Trainer
Leslie Christen, Personal Stylist
The Daily Love, Personal Inspiration

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